The side passage of our house looked like a jungle this morning. It even had an enormous population of Amazonian bird-eating spiders hanging between the house and the fence amid the foliage. It was frightening; it was going to require a machete. There was also the evil water-bound paper box, split and seething with unimaginable horrors. It was a job that needed to be tackled, otherwise a boa constrictor may just take up residence.
After a two hour conversation with mum and dad (I remembered this time) hearing all about the splendid time they had on Mitchell Island, I donned my hazchem suit and tooled up with flame thrower and sword. I approached the side of the house with fear. But, like a Greek hero of epic proportions (and a flair for the understatement) I attacked it with all the vigour of a crusading knight against Saladin.
It was hard work. I suffered many a near fatal blow but I won out in the end. The passage is now clear. The manky water has gone and, with it, the putrid pulp living within its wake. That was the worst part. The smell and the possibility of cross-species contamination. The eels were not too happy about it either.
It took me hours and it was exhausting but it is now done. You could eat off the bricks…if you were an animal without a bowl. I showered vigorously in the knowledge that the house was now safe from any of nature’s true horrors and a possible Dr Moreau mistake.
After my much needed shower, I had a wrestle with Carmen and Day-z. Here’s a picture of me losing to a jolly good smooshing.
Me getting smooshed by Carmen
