Men & toilets

Why can’t men put toilet seats down? This is something that never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I use the toilets at Starbucks, the seat is invariably up. Why is it so difficult for men? Of course, I’m assuming it’s something that only men do.

The thing is, if you think about it logically, we all use toilets for two things. Given there’s two genders, that’s two apiece, which makes four individual uses. For three of those uses, the seat needs to be down. That means that the seat has to be down for three quarters of the time it’s used. But, of course, a lot of people don’t think logically while relieving themselves.

I’ve often thought it must be because most men feel emasculated by putting it down. At these times I give a wry smile and wish I could pat them on their heads like the poor dears they are. After all, they mustn’t let the person coming in after them think they’d do something as nice as putting the seat down. They might be thought of as soft and a little bit feminine. And, of course, real men would hate that.

Another reason I’ve come up with is laziness. I know that’s a stretch. After all it takes very little time or effort to put the seat down. Still, all avenues need to be considered. If this is true then they should just go and find a tree…or a bush…or a wall.

Or perhaps it’s just that they are not generous of spirit. After all, some men clearly just use the facilities then turn away and leave, without a thought of the next person to use them. Could it be that they only think of themselves?

Personally, I blame their upbringing. A son needs a strong hand as he’s learning how to be a better human being and if the person he follows into the loo leaves the seat up, he’s only going to emulate him. And then, once he has a partner, he clearly doesn’t care about their needs. Which makes me wonder why wives and mothers put up with it. I find that very odd.

Anyway, apart from the obvious, toilets with their seats up just look ugly and unwelcoming (particularly when they boast the remains of those with little aim) and they look like the end of civilisation. It’s a bit like wearing sweat pants out on the street. It’s like you don’t care anymore; that the world is nothing but an inconvenient crowd you just need to ignore.

And don’t get me started on the lid!

Mind you, a good way to teach a son to put both seat and lid down is to tell him (at a young age) that if the lid is up, rats will crawl up from the sewers and chew on his ears as he sleeps.