I have come up with an idea for a new detective show. It’s headed by a pair of accountants who are, unwittingly, drawn into the world of murder. They, unexpectedly solve the particularly graphic and gruesome murder of a former tax negligent client, with the help of a trusty spreadsheet. And their world changes forever.
Called on by obviously incompetent homicide detectives, the two accountants are often dragged from their beds at 8pm or from a quiet cup of tea, mid-afternoon, to solve things for them. They are never comfortable with the death and blood around them, wanting only to return to the real world comfort handed out from their numbers. But, because they feel morally obliged, they help where they can.
And, of course, they are very good at solving murders and so, series upon series, they can just keep going.
The programme would be named after the two accountants who I have decided to call Eleanor Tick and Emily Bash. It would be called, Tick & Bash, Accounting for Death.
That might seem a bit out of left field, but it entered, then slowly festered in my under-utilised head today as I lay on the sofa listening to one of Mirinda’s meetings with members of her team. One of them, an accountant, was presenting something, and she suddenly said she’d ‘Tick and Bash it’.
It would be safe to say that I had never heard this expression. I needed to know more. Consequently, I found this description online:
‘Ticking and bashing‘ is a term used in accountancy to describe the mundane but essential work that the job involves. Ticking and bashing involves tasks such as checking documents for numerical inaccuracies and/or spelling mistakes; comparing documents with one another to check for inaccuracies; resourcing missing documents; tracing information that has not been included in a report or document; and many other general administrative duties.
Ticking and Bashing, March 2021, available online at: https://www.wikijob.co.uk/content/financial-terms/accounting/ticking-and-bashing
So, in other words, a dull, necessary and mundane task given a cool name in order to convince people that accountancy isn’t dull, necessary and mundane.
My detective show would aim to give the world another side to accountancy. A world where accountants can use the dull, necessary and mundane to solve crime and rid the world of exciting criminals. Sounds perfect.
One proviso though. It mustn’t be American. I can’t have the two leads suddenly having a sexual relationship after series two only to have it dissolved by series five. ‘Will they/won’t they’ scenarios are very, very dull and mundane. That’s not the kind of tick and bash I’m looking for.
Preferably the show will be made by South Korea. It could be something quite surreal and hilarious in the hands of, for example, Studio Dragon (I admit to their productions being favourites of mine). If some Dragon exec wishes to contact me regarding an exciting and imaginative new venture, they can contact me via this blog post.
In the meanwhilst, I am gradually mending. Today I managed to actually be a bit useful. I did two full loads of washing and managed to prepare a slab of salmon for dinner. I also swept the floor rather than swoosh the dirt around with my butt back and forth from sofa to bathroom.
Tomorrow, I am going to attempt to have a shower. An idea came to me today and I started putting the bits in place all evening. It starts in Japan.
But that’s tomorrow.
