Up at eight to make coffee – Oh for joy, a kettle in the room! Mirinda woke at 9 and we went down to breakfast at table 68. I say down but it was actually along, down, along, out, in, along. It was the usual mob breakfast routine. I had an egg and hash browns. The other 30,000 people had a full English breakfast and made a lot of noise eating it.
By the time we returned to our room it had been cleaned and made up. It was then time for the wildlife park. The park was set up in 1967 by the Taylor family, the then owners of Cricket House. By the way, ‘cricket’ is an Anglo-Saxon word meaning a ridge or hill. During the 12th and 13th centuries the occupiers or tenants of the estate were the de Cricket family. Then in 1387 it was sold to Walter de Rodney ancestor of the famous “Lord Rodney (1719-1792)”.
Anyway… back at the wildlife park… we staggered off along paddock-side, said a hi to the guanaco and rhea from South America and then squealed with delight at spying out first real life capybara. A long time ago we discovered this giant guinea pig on a TV programme about South American alligators – they eat them. It has a stupid but enigmatic face. We also spotted two sitatungas which stand for hours in shallow water looking frightened.
Crossing the river Mirinda was ‘snouted’ by a sleepy tapir. Then we entered Lemur Wood. What amazing animals. The Lemur Wood is a sanctuary for four species of these unique Madagascan primates. All round there are signs telling us to not touch them but it is so hard when they jump down and walk along fence top no more than two feet away and they looked so soft and cuddly.
They are all endangered because their habitat is being destroyed. The Cricket St Thomas lemurs are part of the captive breeding programme where animals are released into the wild. The Lemur Wood is one of the largest sanctuaries in the world and is a very close replica of their natural environment.
For a while we had the lemurs to ourselves but then the little train arrived packed with old women who regaled everyone with how they were attacked by Barbary apes…presumably in Gibraltar and not on the train.
When the pensioners outnumbered the lemurs we left for the coffee-less coffee shop. I only had £3 on me so we opted for two lattes but unfortunately the machine wasn’t working, so it was hot chocolate and a normal instant coffee. I might note that the Kenco coffee house claims to have hundreds of speciality coffees. Well, waddya expect for £2.80.
On the way back to the hotel we came across the camel version of the Highland cow, the Bactrian camel. Its native to the Gobi desert and grows up to 18kg of wool every year. The big male was massive and very regal. The female and child, much smaller and at some distance. We then wandered back to the flamingos and Wallabies, ending at the meerkats which just beg to be petted. Signs claim they bite, so we didn’t.
In the wild life grounds there is a pub, the Black Swan, which purports to serve authentic pub food. In fact it actually serves baguettes and jacket potatoes. We had baguettes for lunch and a beer, then it was back to our room, booking myself into fencing for tomorrow as we passed. We had a snooze for a few hours then popped out for a walk up to Cricket House, checking out the orangery which stands above the astro-turf bowling green.
We had a wee tipple in the Balcony Bar and checked out the To the Manor Born memorabilia. It was interesting but more interesting is the fact that a load of it was stolen by a tourist! Just a card is now there stating as much. How awful is that?
There was no one around so we had the place to ourselves – we didn’t nick anything. It’s a lovely spot to sit and relax with a Southern Comfort. Hamilton’s is full tonight so we decided to try Treetops – the food we’d paid for. Oh my God! Sometimes being proven right is a good thing.
Dinner was awful. Our waitresses, Carla and a French girl who had yet to earn her name badge, were helpful and bright and just like little robots, bustling around us, delivering tasteless food and way overcooked vegetables. It was interesting to note that the meal we had exactly a week ago was cooked by a Michelin star chef and this week by a one-armed army cook. It really was ghastly.
We returned to our room, having supped more than sufficiently and feeling slightly ill. We watched a movie then drifted off to sleep in the over heated bedroom. Actually, this place reminds me of all the retirement homes we used to perform in. It’s seriously overheated all the time – I guess to stop the inmates actually doing anything too lively and upsetting the world.
