When is a toilet disabled?

What is it about traffic jams that drivers love so much? They sit in them day after day, hour after hour, and never get bored. It’s beyond me. As a spectator sport, it’s quite funny but, participation seems a bit odd.

I wondered this as I waited for the bus to take me to Farnham Station. I was headed, ultimately, for Battle. It’s the annual Christmas Weasel sojourn to St Omer, and this year I’m going.

I set off quite late because Mirinda had drinks at work and I wanted to stay with the girls, feeding them before leaving. And so I found myself, shivering on Farnham Station waiting for the 18:30 train to London.

It was very cold overnight with a pretty solid frost. In fact, by the time the sun went down, our grass showed up how much actually sees the sun during the day.

A number of years ago smoking on railway stations was banned in England. Apparently, at Farnham anyway, you can smoke all you want to after 6pm. I have to say, that’s amazingly liberal of them.

They are not so liberal at Waterloo East, where I had to change train lines. Except when it comes to using the toilet.

The gents had a sign on the door saying a burst pipe meant it was unusable. I headed for the disabled toilet, thinking to myself that the gents was, actually, disabled as well.

The train to Battle arrived on time and I managed to get a seat and we set off across the countryside. All was good until we reached Tonbridge where we were held at a red light.

The guards said it was because of a passenger train coming in and a freight train that was heading for the coast. I watched the freight train very slowly creep into the station, thinking we were going to be stuck there for a few hours. As it turned out, we were delayed 14 minutes. And the freight train didn’t go to the coast.

Of course, I texted John my progress. For reasons known only to his landmine, my messages were read out by a computer voice. Eventually, he texted me to say I didn’t need to update anymore as he was charting my position. According to Anthea every time the phone rang they both said “Where’s Gary now?

I arrived at Battle and John was there to meet me. Over a bottle of delightful Italian red, John, Anthea and I talked until midnight, before collapsing into our respective beds.

Tomorrow, France.

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