A pointless post about biscuits

Willie Thorne died today. I always thought he had a gloriously gentle, generous and pleasant way of commentating. I don’t remember ever seeing him play but will miss his expert delivery. A sad day for snooker.

Today was memorable for two other things as well. Firstly because of the lies of our council and secondly for my own stupidity in not knowing when to stop.

I’ll get the council out of the way first.

Council Lies

Last week, when I recorded the FATN digital edition, one story which gladdened my heart was one regarding an attempt to widen the town footpaths. This was to enable social distancing. It meant reducing driving space but would give pedestrians more than a couple of feet of non-safety.

I said at the time that this was most welcome. I also praised the council’s ascertion that they would be closing Park Row off to traffic.

As I’ve mentioned before, Park Row is a narrow lane between Castle Street and the Park and is used by many pedestrians for access. Unfortunately it also caters for the lazy motorists who feel hard done by when having to use the one way system through Farnham.

The footpath along Park Row is only just wide enough for a stroller and extremely uneven.

Lo and behold, when I walked through it this morning, it was actually not closed to traffic.

I guess lies are just second nature to politicians, particularly when they are not held accountable. And I really, really should know better than to get excited about them doing something for the good of the people rather than machines.

The Biscuit Debacle

Today, the clown that lives in Number 10, brandished a packet of Tim Tams during the daily (I almost typed pointless) press briefing. It’s not important why though it was something to do with how brilliant the world will be when the UK has a trade agreement with Australia based around them.

In response to a tweet, I wrote that they were the best biscuits in the world.

Okay, let’s start off by saying this was a flippant and sweeping statement and I’m fairly certain that most people would consider it as such and move on. Not so a certain Tweeter named Jaime who decided to try arguing about it for most of the night.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt that it could easily descend into some Pythonesque craziness regarding biscuits and the state of world politics and therefore kept on however, Jaime had other ideas. Perhaps he doesn’t like the absurd.

Jaime’s style of arguing is not one I feel works very well. Mind you, Jaime has an IQ of 137 (he self proclaims) so what do I know? However, I’m a fair kind of chap. Let me outline the general facts of the ‘conversation’ and anyone reading them can judge for themselves.

His first ascertain was, after saying he’d never had a Tim Tam, that he could name a million better biscuits from within the EU. You can understand why I thought the thread was going into some surreal humour territory with this marvellous gambit.

Obviously I could have asked him to name them but felt it would just stop the flow. My response was to ask how he knew there were a million better biscuits if he hadn’t tried the biscuit I claimed was the best.

His next point was to assume that I hadn’t tried all the other biscuits and, given this assumption, I couldn’t judge Tim Tams against them. I countered that he couldn’t say they weren’t the best if he wasn’t prepared to try them.

The argument continued in this vein. At one point I said that, in my opinion, American biscuits I’d tried were ‘dire’ which he jumped on by saying that Tim Tams were American.

I know that Arnott’s was purchased by an American company almost a decade ago however I also know that everything about Tim Tams is the same as it was when the company was Australian. Most important, the biscuits are still made in Australia.

The facts didn’t stop Jaime from then claiming I’d said that Tim Tams were dire.

By the end of our very long, circular and, frankly, dull exchange, I’d had enough. My final comment was: “Sure. Okay. Fine. And you stick with your imaginary biscuits.” This was in response to the fact that he refused to name another biscuit and to his previous Tweet: “Those biscuits are insulted by your ignorance of them. They deserve real connoisseurs of biscuits, of which you are clearly not. It’s fine though, you stay with your dire excuse for a biscuit.

Just re-reading his Tweet above makes me wonder why the thread didn’t enter the realm of Absurdist comedy and create something truly memorable.

I don’t regret the exchange. There were some parts I thoroughly enjoyed. If anything, it proved my long held belief that high IQ scores merely reflect an ability to score well in IQ exams.

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