The universal Andrex scale

I need to make an apology. A while ago I wrote a blog post claiming that a chap who bought 1,000 rolls of toilet paper during the Great Toilet Roll Frenzy of 2020, was going to be stuck with enough toilet paper to last a decade. After a rather (un)scientific experiment, I discovered my estimate was somewhat out. By quite a bit.

At the time I was somewhat curious and decided to find out how many toilet rolls we go through. I collected together the facts then proceeded.

First, the toilet rolls used. We buy the Andrex nine roll packs pictured below. My ‘experiment’ started when I opened a new pack when there were no rolls left in the downstairs toilet.

Secondly, I counted off the days until the nine rolls were completely gone. I did this with the aid of the calendar which hangs in the kitchen.

I do need to add something here. We have two toilets – one upstairs, one downstairs. The downstairs toilet is used more often because…well, because it’s downstairs which is where we usually are. For this reason I decided to test just the downstairs toilet.

This means that there could be a bit of evidence slippage given some toilet rolls will have also been used upstairs. I’ll not deny this has caused me a bit of angst. But, after a few days, I forgot about it. I never harbour angst for very long.

Another fact that needs clarifying is that there are two of us in the house and we’re in Lockdown. This makes a difference to the overall usage when you consider that Mirinda (in the old pre-pandemic days) stayed in London at least three days each week.

Those two things aside, the experiment was a success. And (drum roll) I can announce that we used the whole nine rolls in eighteen days.

My maths is not brilliant but even I can work out that this means that two of us use a roll every two days. Which further goes to prove that, the chap who bought 1,000 rolls will either have enough for 1,000 days if he lives on his own or 500 if he’s one of a couple. (Obviously the figure increasingly reduces depending on the number of bum wipers in the house.)

The thing is, and the whole point is that he doesn’t have enough toilet paper to last ten years. If alone, it’ll last about 2.8 years. If part of a couple he’s looking at around 1.4.

I guess the thing is, I’m not sure why he’d bother trying to sell them back to the supermarket when he’d be rid of them soon enough. Mirinda suggested it might be a storage issue but it seems to me that someone who buys 1,000 rolls of toilet paper must realise they need to be stored somewhere when they buy them.

This led me to wonder how much storage he’d need.

Going back to the Andrex pack of nine (and there’s bigger, smaller, softer, rougher ones to choose from so this is also not very scientific) I measured the above pack. The dimensions are 11cm deep, 31cm high and 31cm wide. Then, for 1,000 rolls, you’d need 111.1 packs but let’s round it up to 112 for ease of calculation.

In order to store 112 packs of nine rolls, you would need a space 1,232cm long and 31cm high. You could reduce the length by making three layers. This changes it to a much more manageable 410cm long by 93cm high.

I would suggest a better storage option would be to go for four layers. That will need a space measuring 308cm x 124cm. For the hard of converting, this is just over 3 metres by 1.24 metres.

The height isn’t a problem but, in terms of floor space, it would fill the length of my office. This could easily be overcome by making a few rows of rolls rather than a single one. Just by making two rows, the length will be reduced by half making it almost square in height and length. The width would be just 22cm.

As I think this demonstrates, 1,000 toilet rolls do not take up a lot of space and, if they did, in your personal circumstances, then you shouldn’t have bought 1,000 rolls in the first place.

In the meanwhilst…

Poppy Watch

We finally have some flowers!

For anyone unaware of previous Poppy Watch reports, these were from seeds planted by Mirinda ages ago. They started to grow in the greenhouse but didn’t look real promising. She then planted them out in the new raised bed and, for ages, they were just green and scrawny.

However, the tenacious little bastards have managed to tuck up their roots and spring forth flowery orange beauty. I knew they could do it.

New Menu Item

This is a new section I’ve decided to add. It relates to new recipes I’ve tried on any particular day. Obviously it’s not going to be regular.

However, this week I’ve tried two new Syrian recipes. Tonight was the second. It was the delicious fish in tahini. I made roast cauliflower with cumin and parsley as a side.

In very high praise, Mirinda said this was good enough to prepare for guests, something she rarely says. It’s definitely going on the standard Chez Gaz menu.

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