Survival dependent on the final sheet of toilet paper

I can only imagine how bad it was in 1918 when, following the deaths of many of the world’s young (and not so young) a virus turns up and kills millions more. You’d have to wonder what you’d done wrong if you survived the war but not the bug.

It’s not all doom and gloom when you have daffs

There’s no war this time but there is a world ruled by economics. A world where the rich have an even bigger slice of the planet while millions live in poverty, civil war or the devastation wrought by climate change.

A world where huge corporations are more important than individuals. Where governments, rather than protecting the people who elect them, look after the industries that are gradually killing them. A topsy turvy world where down is up and life is cheap.

This afternoon we were victims of a press conference from our inept prime minister. A man who can’t finish the simplest of sentences, who waffles rather than comforts, a man with little apparent empathy.

Rather than announce that places have to shut, he said that people should avoid them. So cafes, restaurants, theatres, venues of any kind, have to stay open. Small businesses forced to stay open because insurance won’t pay out if they voluntarily close. That is shit.

It also explains another reason why I hate insurance. It’s a money making venture where people have to pay someone to do nothing and with no return. It’s brilliant.

People are forced to take out insurance, for instance, against loss of earnings. But there’s plenty of exceptions in order to ensure that the insurance companies never have to pay out. Plague being one of them, it seems.

I have to wonder why our prime minister prefers insurance companies to the population that employs him. Oh, wait a second. I forgot that he received a payment of over £25,000 to give a talk to the insurance industry last May.

Not that that could possibly have anything to do with it, surely. Though he also received over £35,000 to talk to Citigroup last March.

That £50,000 could buy a lot of toilet rolls for quite a few industry arseholes.

Talking about panic buying, I read an excellent idea coming out of Denmark. In an attempt to dissuade people from buying bulk amounts of hand sanitiser, shops have decided to penalise multiples. So, if you want one bottle it’ll cost around £5 but, if you want two they are £130 each. Genius. Wish they’d do that here.

And, meanwhile, in the Great Failed Capitalist Experiment (which some people call the USA), they have resorted to prayer and panic buying guns. I often wonder how they elected a cretinous septuagenarian to rule them but then, you read these things and it all becomes crystal clear.

I assume, when American shops are sold out of toilet paper, the Good Old Boys will just shoot people who have some. In fact, it could be a Clint Eastwood film called A Fistful of Sheets. Not forgetting the forgettable sequel For a Few Sheets More.

The park was lovely today and not as crowded as normal
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