Apparently I needed to visit the hairdresser. I made an appointment late last week. Gordon, who usually does my hair, is away this week, on holiday so I was to have Becky, who does Mirinda’s hair. Mirinda is very fussy when it comes to her hair so I figured she must be pretty good.
Becky is my kind of hairdresser. She doesn’t constantly ask you lots of dull questions without listening. She asked me if I was doing anything fun on the weekend. That was it. I said I was off to a wedding and then she talked about husbands, divorce, weddings and all that jazz without asking me another question. Excellent stuff.
Over the course of her conversation, I found out about the lack of longevity of her own marriage (7 months) and that of her friend (4 months). Her marriage failed because her husband cheated on her but her friend’s marriage problems were rather more odd. After four months, her husband just vanished. Very odd. Becky then told me the tale of the very short marriage and perfect revenge.
The story is a number of hands old as she was told by a client who had been told by a friend. Obviously, I’ll add a little something in the telling as I’m sure everyone else did but the tale is essentially the same. And it goes a little something like this…
It was a lovely wedding. The service had gone very well, the bride was all happy and smiling, the groom seemed happy. The parents flushed with happiness for the happy day. Everyone was happy. They all moved on to the reception where the usual meet and greet and odd glass of bubbly spread around. Everything was lovely as weddings generally are.
It was time for the speeches and, this being one of those traditional weddings (unlike ours) the speeches took their normal course. The best man stood up and thanked the bridesmaids and made some rude remarks about the groom, which, no doubt, had the guests chuckling with delicious embarrassment. It was then time for the groom.
He stood dramatically. From his pocket he removed a white envelope. He looked at the gathering, paused then held up the envelope.
“These are the tickets for our honeymoon. My wife doesn’t know where they’re for. It is a surprise.” A noisy smile rattled around the room. “Another surprise is that I won’t be going.“
There was a buzz of unexpectation as this sentence sunk in properly. A little whispered chatter. Confusion.
“No. They are for my best man and my wife, who have been having an affair for the last eight months.” He paused with dramatic irony as the guests dithered between laughter and shock. “So, here you go. Enjoy the honeymoon. I’m off.“
And he left, tossing the envelope to his best man as he went.
Oh, what delicious revenge! I know not what happened next although I can guess it wasn’t particularly pleasant. But, I have to say, if it is true, it is one of the great revenge stories.
As for my hair…it all went very well and I’m pleased (hopefully Mirinda will be as well). So you can judge for yourselves, here’s the before and after shots.