Terminus

Tonight we went to the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre to see Alan Ayckbourn’s 77th play (he’s written 78). It was written in 2013 and is called Arrivals and Departures. The last Ayckbourn play we saw was Neighbourhood Watch, his 75th play. Regular readers may remember how we felt about it. For non-regular readers, here’s the January 2012 entry.

Sadly, things haven’t improved. If anything, they’ve gone decidedly downhill. I’m surprised that Mr Ayckbourn can’t see that. Clearly he jumped the shark quite a few years ago. If I was his personal advisor, I’d tell him to revive his old plays and forget about any new stuff.

We almost left at interval, it was so bad. Not the cast so much as the content. It was dull, contrived (oh, how contrived!) and gave the audience nothing to care about. One way or the other. The second act was better than the first but it still didn’t light any fires.

We wondered why he wrote something that, quite clearly, would have been better having never seen the light of day. There is a programme note that hopes to explain it.

He says he has always been interested in lives in transit, about the sudden appearance of memories while waiting for buses, trains, planes, etc. And so, he plonks two strangers into a busy London station and we hear all about their pasts through flashbacks.

There is a ludicrous situation, where some clearly ridiculous government department is trying to create a simulated scene in order to catch some chap and the two strangers are in the middle of this. I’m not going to bother explaining any more of the over-arching plot because there isn’t much more than that.

One bright spark was the performance of Peter Halpin. Due to a ‘sudden indisposition’ of one of the main actors, he stepped up, as understudy, and did a remarkable job. It’s just a pity he didn’t have better material to show off his obvious talent.

The only real Ayckbourn character was Barry, a northerner with a jolly disposition. The part was played very well by Kim Wall. He elucidated the only, unforced laughs in an evening of disappointing theatre.

I feel sorry for anyone who has never seen an Ayckbourn before, if this is their introduction to a brilliant playwright. It’s a shame that they’ll probably never bother seeing another.

Please, Mr Ayckbourn, please stop writing such awful plays! If not for me then for the glory of times past.