The House Husband

Last night I went to the Rec and watched Aldershot for the first time this season. In not entirely a night of surprises, they lost, 3-0, to Watford in the first round of the Carling Cup. We were totally outclassed by a much better team. I guess that’s something. It’s not like we played really badly just not well enough. And, really, what did we really expect? Watford is two leagues above us after all.

What was a surprise was who I went with. I thought it was just going to be Nicktor, James and me until the car pulled up outside with Frank driving. And his son and Matt in the back. That was odd for a start. James loves Aldershot but Matt is less than enthusiastic at the best of times. Still, we drove to the car park and started walking to the Crimea for the usual pre-game pint of that perfect of all beers, 6X.

Along the way we collected a few more people. Two guys from Nicktor’s road and their sons and James. Five kids, five adults.

Five pints and five cokes later, we crossed over the road and headed for the Slab. I’d already assumed we’d not be in the East Bank because we’d have James with us so it wasn’t a surprise when we headed that way.

Nicktor’s re-flared gout was causing him to limp a bit so that caused some hilarity, which grew in direct ratio to the increase in pain. He’s a medical anomaly. It’s far too soon for a relapse. It’s a good job he wasn’t called on to run around the pitch. It was noticeable his discomfort increased dramatically over the course of the evening. By the time we were ready to walk back to the car, he looked like one of the walking wounded from the Charge of the Light Brigade. Or perhaps his body was unhappy it wouldn’t be spending the night at our place.

A bit of an unexpected treat awaited us as we entered the ground. The young guy who bashes the drum relentlessly during every home match was standing against the fence having a few tentative thumps as the rest of the raucous orchestra met up with him. It was observed by one of our party that he looked rather menacing, presumably on the lookout for rival drummers.

The day had been wet throughout, off and on, so standing on an exposed slab of concrete for a couple of hours was bound to attract a certain amount of damp. I’m pretty sure this is one of those immutable laws, like the one that Murphy came up with. Something like: “If there’s a chance of rain and a large gathering of people all stand on a big slab of concrete, they’ll be rained on.” And we were. A number of times.

Not that it was very wet. It was a series of English showers, the type of rain that doesn’t actually make you wet. I like to think of it as thick mist. It was quite noticeable on the pitch, though. Sprays of water came off the ball every time it was kicked and the ground was rather slushy.

The one good thing about being on the Slab is that you’re really close to the action, albeit only one bit near the southern touch line. The boys all lined up against the fence and shouted rude things at the opposition players as they pummelled our goal mouth in the first half. By the time Watford had finished us off at the beginning of the second half, the boys were telling jokes and talking to me about games.

It’s amazing how kids (make that, boys) react when someone tells them I tested games for a living. They get all excited and suddenly you’re the coolest adult they know. They then insist on comparing notes on the newest and most violent games on the market. Fortunately Stevie keeps me in the loop about these things so I can generally manage to keep up with them. Though it did make me yearn a bit for my old job. Though not with Cowabunga, of course. I should add that the other part of my job is generally drooled over by any male adults who find out.

Anyway, the game dribbled away as we chatted about Ultimate Assassin (the comedy version) and GTA – I managed to get a plug in for Smuggler’s Run, a particular favourite that Stevie and I spent many hours completing. It’s a bit Old School these days but still a great game, nevertheless. The final whistle gratefully blew before Watford could humiliate us further and we headed for home.

Actually, Aldershot managed a bit of a late flurry but to no avail and they remained with no goals. To be absolutely fair, they didn’t play badly. I have been at some games where they seemed to have sent a load of replacements on the pitch, possibly the local limbless darts team, but this was not one of those. We were, quite simply, outclassed. So, no need to be miserable, lads! At least it’s one competition we don’t have to worry about for the rest of the season.

The company was fun and it’s always good to go and watch football. It was also a chance to catch up with Nicktor who I’ve missed over the last couple of weeks due to the temporary suspension of Nicktor Nights. The Cansfields are off to France next week (entirely coincidental, I hasten to add) so we organised for our next NN to be the 25th. He told me about the positive slew of gory, bloodletting films he’s managed to amass since our last viewing so I’m hoping for a welcome return to relative normality, fairly soon.

The boys, ready to heap abuse on the Watford players

I spent most of today running test scripts against online databases for my dissertation. Truly dull.

And to cap it off, Nicktor is not coming over tonight. So I’ll have to run some more test scripts.

One light, however. A while ago I dropped an iPod Touch down a toilet and it stopped working – June 19, to be exact. After trying lots of ways to dry it and fix it I had almost given up when I decided to Google it. Apparently I’m not alone in my plight. Two suggestions I figured were worth a try. One involved putting the iPod in the oven at 50 degrees for an hour. This would be my last resort.

The other was simple. Leave it in the sun for a week. Don’t move it, don’t try and charge it, don’t even touch it. This one I tried. For a week it has sat on the dining table. Unmoved but, when it was sunny, bathed in sunlight. And today the week was up.

You have to remember this iPod has been completely dead; not a flicker of anything even remotely approaching life. As soon as I hit the power switch, it sprang back to life! It seems to be perfectly ok now. Astounding. I love the Internet. So much. Thank you, guys.

Last night, being a Tuesday and seeing as Nicktor decided to stop his jaunting around Europe for a bit, was a Nicktor Night. He promised me a surprise. His text message said I would be excited. I thought, maybe, he’d bought me something memorable back from Italy…Spain…Amsterdam. But, no, it was far more exciting than that!

He was a bit later than usual because the traffic betwixt us was terrible (actually his words were far more graphic but I think this paints the picture accurately enough). We decided to have lamb burgers up at the 6 Bells because there wasn’t a lot of beer at home. Stocks have not been replenished due to the Brittany absence. My priorities were clearly all wrong…however, the Everard’s Tiger bitter went down very well and we were graced with the presence of Nicktor’s favourite acerbic barmaid. The beer garden was awash with early evening sunshine and beckoned us.

Nicktor has a problem with decisions. It is possible to stand for days in a bar as he makes up his mind what food to select (this isn’t a problem with beer, I should add). The lamb burgers were off the menu tonight so I knew we were there for the long haul. If I have a few weeks to spare, I’ll just let him phaff around a bit but I wanted to sit down and hear of his travels so I told the barmaid he wanted the first thing he said. Which was a curry.

Because he’d been ‘umming’ and ‘ahing’ all over the place, she asked if he was sure. This is a very dangerous thing to do as it upsets his equilibrium and amplifies his indecision mode to maximum. Fortunately I know this so deflected any chance of any lengthy waffling by telling her, emphatically, that he wanted the curry. I then, almost, dragged him outside.

We had a lovely dinner and he spoke of his European Sojourn with the reverence normally reserved for high Catholic mass. He said it was boring but intense. Apart from the World Cup games he managed to catch in various European bars, the meetings were pretty full on and the travel never really let up. He was particularly pleased with the four hour train trip to Milan. This is unusual for Nicktor as he normally hates train journeys longer than 10 minutes. It seems the power point next to his seat was a big plus. I guess the last thing you want is a flat laptop on a four hour trip to Milan. There are only so many safety brochures you can read.

Anyway, after a couple of pints and a good feed, we strolled back along the lane (talking to Mirinda on the way) and prepared ourselves for our cinematic delights. And my eyes lit up when he produced the delights we would be viewing. Saw V and Saw VI! Genius!

Finally, the mysteries would be cleared up, the loopholes filled and the motives become plain. I had read on the imdb, that Saw V was supposed to be the worst of the franchise and didn’t really tell the viewer very much but I disagree. While the blood and gore was worse and, if it’s actually possible, a tad more gratuitous, the story, through a series of well plotted and executed flashbacks, started making sense. Saw VI was more of the same while pushing the story forwards as well.

The review I read claimed the main character, Jigsaw, who had changed into someone else after the death of the original (in the movie, not in real life) was intent on battling the FBI guy in Saw V and the whole Jigsaw raison d’etre was thrown out the window. However, if the viewer sees the series of movies as a very long TV series, the fifth part would be the chase with the goodie closing in on the baddie so naturally the focus would shift a bit. Jigsaw, while trying to play out the games started by his predecessor (and mentor), is also contending with this annoying gnat of a detective who, to all intents and purposes, should have died. I actually enjoyed Saw V a hell of a lot more than III and IV.

Saw VI was a great ending to the franchise, bringing back characters and closing the remaining gaps in the story. It was also pretty intense. I note that production has just been completed on Saw VII!

But I did have a problem with all the films after the first, and this may be a problem with other franchise films when the creative control is taken over by someone else. The first Saw film was excellent. It had everything (apart from any laughs, I hasten to add) from plot twists to clever use of the camera to induce effects in the viewer. It also had a good cliff-hanger ending, leaving it open for a second movie.

This is all good but, sadly, the rest of the movies, apart from the basic premise and the guy who played Jigsaw, referred only to themselves and seemed to have forgotten the first one. Even to the extent that one of the characters says to the main cop (Hoffman) that he’d been on the Jigsaw case from the beginning. This was not true. Hoffman turned up after the first movie. It was as if the first movie was so good, it was impossible to mesh the rest of the story with it.

Our biggest beef was the fact that the doctor in the first film, while escaping, appears to have never returned despite promises by forum members of the imdb. This was very annoying. Nicktor thinks that with the movies coming out at the cinema with the distance of years between them, time would dull any recollection by the audience and they’d forget the minutiae, which I agree with. However, in a world of DVDs and crazy people who enjoy watching them one after the other, this can be a problem.

Even given the above, we totally enjoyed the two final Saw movies and I agree with everyone who says how brilliant they are. We started watching Dragnet afterwards but, while we were enjoying the playful satire, it put us to sleep. So we went to bed.

As a little side fact, I was watching an episode of The Sopranos during lunch and Chris, one of the main characters, was watching the first Saw movie in one of the scenes, which brought back sweet memories.

Anyway, ‘twas another great Nicktor Night, with beer drank, chat chatted and movies watched. Next week there’s the promise of a pre-season friendly at Aldershot so the horror theme of Nicktor Nights may just continue.

Ages ago, Dawn suggested we all go and see a one woman play called Nun the Wiser. Last night we went and saw it. It was in Chichester so we decided to all travel down together from Dawn & Nicktor’s place. This grew into having dinner at theirs beforehand.

Nicktor cooked up a storm…actually, he heated up a storm and cooked one of the dishes. Very nice it was too. All very Indian. And lots of beer. Mirinda duly wandered around and looked at all the changes to the house and garden since last she visited. They appear to have the biggest apple mint leaves in the world. A herb suffering from gigantism.

The play, while being very funny in parts, was not really the sort of thing I enjoy. It is a rare one-person show that keeps my attention. I missed a fair bit of this one as I was asleep. According to the others, it was very good.

For reasons that I didn’t quite get, this woman became a nun and the play is about her life during that time. I think she lasted a year then stopped being a nun. That was it, really.

It was performed in the Bishop’s Kitchen, behind Chichester Cathedral. Outside is a lovely green where we had pre-show and interval drinks. We then had a long drive back.

Last night we watched two movies I’d actually not seen before.

The first was a recommendation from someone Nicktor works with. Taking Lives. It stars Angelina Jollie and Ethan Hawke with a rather odd guest spot by Kieffer Sutherland. It’s a thriller and has quite a few surprises, one of which had both of us jumping off our seats, it was so unexpected. I thought the plot was good but I had figured most of it out before the end, which is annoying. One thing that came out of it was the fact that Angelina Jollie has quite ugly wrists.

For a film about a serial killer, it is not very gory but relies more on tension and surprise, which is a nice change to what we usually watch (Saw, for instance). If you like a good thriller, and can put up with Jollie’s annoying pout and Hawke’s half hearted acting style, then I’d recommend it.

The second film was called Made. It was made by the same guys responsible for the highly successful cult movie, Swingers. It is an American gangster style film about two guys (one a bit lovelorn, the other a bit stupid) who enter the world of organised crime in order to make their mark…and earn a lot of money. Jon Favreau, who also wrote and directed it, is a lovely foil as Bobby for the stupid and irritating Rick, played by Vince Vaughn. You may remember Jon Favreau as Monica’s rich, IT boyfriend, Pete Becker, in Friends – the one she wasn’t attracted to.

A very old Peter Falk is quite funny as the LA mob boss though his voice has all but disappeared. Probably because of all those stogies that Columbo put away over the years! His final scene with Rick is particularly good.

In all, it was very funny. Most of the humour comes from the banter between the two main characters and the stupidity of Rick. If you don’t mind a fair bit of swearing (there is an awful lot) and the odd bit of violence (nothing graphic I should add), it’s a highly entertaining film.

As a bonus, and if a viewer was so inclined, there is a lot of Sopranos spotting available. It was like the Made production team strayed onto The Sopranos backlot and just employed them all. Most of the film takes place in New York so I guess that could explain a lot.

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After the movies, we watched the highlights of the first ODI between England and Australia. Without going into too much detail, England won with a stunning century from Eoin Morgan who is actually Irish. I did tease Nicktor about the English team having an Irishman and two South Africans playing for them.

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Meanwhile in Port Elizabeth, South Africa…this afternoon is England’s final chance to progress into the next round of the World Cup. To be assured of a place, they need to win against Slovenia (incidentally, the population of Slovenia is the same as the entire prison population of the US). If they only manage a draw then there’s still a chance they could get through but it will depend on the US game played at the same time. If they lose, it’s all over for another four years and Capello will probably be out of a job.

I am hoping to get home in time to see most of the game and Nicktor is going to try and rush a meeting he has in order to come over for the second half, on his way home. Mirinda has a 1:30 meeting so I should make it by 3:30…if I hurry.

I did and I managed to see all but the first ten minutes. And England played like a team possessed! They were wonderful. And they won, 1-0. Yay! We are through to the next round, albeit in second place because the Americans managed to score a late goal in their match. Nicktor managed to cut his meeting off and arrived in time to watch the second half with me.

It was jolly warm today. Shorts and t-shirt, straw hat and sunnies. That’s me. I’m feeling a lot better today so I assume the sun has burnt off whatever was ailing me.

I spent most of the day composing a user survey for my dissertation. It needed quite a bit of chopping and changing but I finally managed to finish it and sent it off to few people as a test run. I then realised I’d sent the wrong URL and had to send off another email with the correct one. Idiot I am!

Other than that I was mowing the lawn and preparing Moroccan meatballs for Nicktor and me tonight. Naturally I took the poodles up the park but it was so hot they were quite happy to get back home again so they could lie in the shade under the trees in the garden.

Speaking of the garden, I figured, after all the talk about our Green Cone, I really ought to put up a photo of the finished product. Because I sat down, the poodles just had to get in on the action!

Our Green Cone - note that a third of it is under the ground!

I have had all my results from last semester now (they have been a bit late because of exams) and I’m quite happy with my results. Now it’s just the dissertation…

Being a Tuesday and being free of the gout blight, Nicktor came over last night. We had sausages and mash and white sauce! Very odd, I know, but apparently he LOVES my white sauce.

We watched Saw IV. Interesting. It managed to answer a few questions but was still frustratingly vague. It’s a case of a franchise being way inferior to the original product. It was also, possibly, the goriest of the lot. Though there’s also Saw V & VI, according to Nicktor. I’m not sure what they’ll be like as the main character is definitely dead now – we saw him cut open on the mortuary slab.

We then watched Jackie Brown, the only Tarantino film we had yet to see. I saw it years ago and had forgotten how long it is. Sadly, for Nicktor, it doesn’t feature much of that Tarantino action he loves. It is memorable for the wonderful job Robert de Niro does as the down and out-ish ex-con. A joy to watch. Anyway, Nicktor wasn’t impressed with it though he did sleep through quite a bit so I’m not sure whether he’s a fit judge. For me, I think it’s a bit long-winded but I like the style, being of the black exploitation films of the late 1970s. And it has quite a funky soundtrack though there’s only so much Motown Soul I can truly enjoy at one time.

In the World Cup, a bit of a surprise. Most of the games up till now have been a bit dull. And then New Zealand played Slovakia yesterday. I tend to disagree with most of the reports that say it was boring. I really enjoyed it. I thought the play was end to end and both teams looked hungry and desperate. Slovakia scored early in the second half and it looked like they were going to sail through with a win. But then, with 30 seconds to go, a cross from the wing came sailing into the box and a New Zealand head attached to it and it was one all. They went insane! Not only had the so-called minnows managed not to lose, they had gained their first ever point in World Cup football!

I like the fact that the NZ football team is called the All Whites versus the All Blacks rugby team. Cute.

Woke up bright and early this morning then waited for Nicktor to rise from the dead. It’s half term over here so he’s taken the week off to spend with his family. Yesterday he watched his boys play 20-20 cricket (they won one game and lost the other) and had a great day. Anyway, it means he’s not at work so he didn’t have to leave at his usual early hour. I had the Talking Newspaper this morning so he dropped me off on his way through.

Today I was back to reading the Farnham Herald and it all went pretty smoothly except for poor Charlotte who lost her voice near the end. It was very odd because it just vanished. But we managed to get around it and just left her out the reading circle for the last few items.

I had a few funny stories today as well as a big reference to the pig racing at the Surrey Show. My favourite was the 80 year old Farnham woman whose grandson emailed her entry off to appear in The Times fashion supplement last Wednesday. She had quite a shock when they said yes and whisked her off to Kensington for a photo shoot. She shops at Elphicks and made sure she mentioned how we have so many wonderful independent shops in Farnham. Oh, I just love this place.

The weather has been fantastic the last few days and the park has been very busy as a consequence. It’s also because of half term. Lots of men without t-shirts and women in barely anything, lying down on the grass giving Day-z something to sniff and lick.

I’m forever on my guard anyway but today, especially as she had an FSI. I could just see it. Someone says “Ooo, what a cute poodle,” and gives her a big hug, pulls a face and jumps up splattering when they realise they’re now covered in fox poo! But we managed to get through the park without any incidents other than the FSI.

Four times a year, timed with the seasons, our council (Waverley) publishes and delivers a magazine to all residents. It’s called Making Waves and lets us all know what is going on and who to contact if we have any problems. Sometimes I read it but usually it goes into the recycling straight after delivery. This changed today.

I had a desperate phone call last week from Mary from the Talking Newspaper. She asked if I could come in on a Wednesday. Of course, I’m normally having lunch with Mirinda on a Wednesday but this week, because of a meeting, I was available so I said yes. All I knew was I’d be reading the same thing three times.

So I turned up having no idea what I’d be reading. Mary, Mo and the engineer were already there and I was handed four copies of Making Waves. One for each region of Waverley. Mary had numbered the articles and we were told the order of reading.

The centre section of the four magazines is the same so this we would read only once but the front and back pages are different for each region so these would be read for each magazine. The whole thing is then put together by the engineer and posted on the council website for everyone and anyone to listen to. It will be posted here if anyone really wants to listen. It will be the Summer 2010 edition.

The reason Talking Newspaper do it is because they receive a yearly payment for it which helps to fund the charity work and, as Mary said, is preferable to standing in the street with a rattling donation bucket.

And so we read it. It was quite dull. We were not allowed to make any jokes, just be upbeat and read exactly what it said. What a funny thing this volunteering is sometimes.

We read for three hours and then I was off to meet Nicktor for our movie night.

Another Nicktor Movie Night last night. Actually, we had planned to spend a night in London with an American friend of his, over here on a business trip but he had a business dinner so Nicktor came here instead. I was looking forward to meeting Steve (his friend) and clearly would have enjoyed the night but, to be honest, I much prefer our movie nights.

We went to the 6 Bells as has become the tradition and had lamb burgers. Strangely, they served them on proper buns this week. It made all the difference. I can only hope that last week was the aberration and they’d run out of the proper ones rather than last week being the norm.

The pub had a new beer on this week. Morris Man’s Delight (or something like that). It was a very nice drop. We both spoke of how often we’ve thought of joining a Morris side. Nick, because he’d like to do the stick hitting dance, me because I like the beer. Naturally he then added that he liked the beer too.

Back at the house I put Death Proof in the DVD. This is Tarantino’s fifth film (it says so on the box) and is quite strange. There is never any explanation of why Stuntman Mike does what he does and the whole thing is filmed like a scratchy, badly preserved 50s exploitation film in the John Waters style. But the car chase in the second half of the film is amazing. Tarantino is interviewed on the second disc and says he wanted to make a car movie with real chases and real stunts, not CGI. And when you watch it, it’s just amazing what he’s accomplished. An excellent addition to the Tarantino canon. Nick loved it.

It was with some dismay that Nicktor admitted he’d watched the final three episodes of The Inbetweeners, not waiting so we could watch them together. And so, because it was now my choice due to his default, we watched Class of Nuke ‘em High, a classic Troma schlock, sexploitation, stupid, badly filmed and acted, crazy film.

I love Troma films. I don’t know why, because they’re so bad. I’m sure any normal film lover would say they’re just rubbish (which they are) and not worth watching (which they are) but I can’t help it. I just enjoy them! Fortunately I don’t mind rewatching these films, because Nicktor slept through most of it. That could have been the whiskey as well as being tired.

We are sampling different whiskeys on our film nights. Last night it was The Black Grouse, a blend of Grouse and an Islay whiskey, which gives it a light peaty finish. Very nice for a blend, we both agreed. It was obviously very nice because there’s not much left in the bottle.

Before retiring, Nicktor insisted we put the news on and we were just in time to see that David Cameron had become Prime Minister and Nick Clegg was going to be his deputy, that Gordon Brown had left Downing Street, wife and kids in hand and that we now have a Tory/Lib Dem coalition government that Clegg insists will work.

This morning, even after having a decent sleep in, Nicktor’s head was a bit worse for wear. Apart from being tired (as usual), I was fine. These young blokes! Seedy indeed!