The House Husband

For my birthday, Dawn and I went to the British Museum to see the new Egyptian Book of the Dead exhibition – the link to the exhibition is here. It was a bit of a snap decision. I heard a glowing review of it on Front Row on BBC radio 4 last Tuesday which convinced me I just had to go. It would appear that a lot of other people had the same idea.

Visitors have to book a time slot and, thinking lunchtime would be a good time to choose, I opted for 1:10pm. My experiences of these things had led me to believe most people would be off eating. I could not have been more wrong. Maybe everyone else had the same idea.

So there was a LOT of people wandering around at the same time as us. Apart from the people who are under the inexplicable allusion that they are made of glass, it wasn’t too bad and we saw and read some wonderful things.

I’m not that knowledgeable about Egypt and thought the Book of the Dead was a sort of bible of the afterlife which adherents would read and use to prepare themselves for death. But this isn’t exactly true. Rather than a book for life, it would be buried with you for your journey and contained spells for all manner of things you would need to know in order to reach the Field of Reeds (Heaven).

The books were written on papyrus and some fine examples have managed to survive – we saw a lot of them. The tiny hieroglyphs and finely inked drawings are amazing. The majority of them were mass produced, leaving the space for the name of the deceased left blank – your relatives would buy it and have your name put in. Of course, if you were wealthy, you would have one specially made for you.

The Egyptians believed that the soul was a spirit called Ba and once your were in your sarcophagus, it would flutter up and out and lead you through the many stages towards the Field of Reeds. There was a spell in the Book of the Dead, for instance, that made the Ba live forever. Clearly a handy one to know. The spells are all numbered (by whom, I do not know) and this one is 191. It reads:

Bring Osiris [deceased's] soul [to him], that it may unite with his body, that his heart may be glad, that his soul may come to his body [and] to his heart. Bring his soul into his body [and] into his heart; provide his soul with his body [and] his heart.

They’re all a bit like that. In the early days, the Egyptians would write out the book on the walls and ceilings of burial chambers. They then started inscribing the spells on the coffins, inside and out. It wasn’t until around 1800 BC that they used papyrus scrolls, buried with the dead.

Here’s a very handy spell for repelling crocodiles (spell 31 from Nakht’s Book):

Get back, you crocodile of the West, who lives on the Unwearying stars! Detestation of you is in my belly, for I have absorbed the power of Osiris, and I am Seth. Get back you crocodile of the West! The nau-snake is in my belly, and I have not given myself to you; your flame will not be on me.

Here’s the spell and image on the papyrus.

Papyrus section from Nakht's Book of the Dead

Of course, visitors to the exhibition aren’t allowed to take photos so this is from the British Museum website, which is why it’s so small, but you can just make out Nakht warding off the crocs.

Afterwards, once we were completely papyrused out, we popped into the shop and the Cansfields bought me the book to accompany the exhibition for my birthday. It is very big and very heavy! Fortunately it just fit in my bag and could be quite handy should I run into any crocodiles.

We were in the exhibition for nearly two hours and were both starving so we decided lunch in the nearest pub was called for. We called, they delivered and we had two delicious burgers and a couple of pints of Timothy Taylor’s Landlord – always a pleasure – before wandering back to Waterloo (via Gordon’s Wine Bar and a few more pubs).

A lovely day which we both thoroughly enjoyed.

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We have started a tradition whereby Mirinda cooks me dinner on my birthday and goes to the major effort of making me a cake. This is a tradition I wholeheartedly endorse! I know how much of an effort it is to make me a cake and have to say how much I truly appreciate it. Quite apart from anything else, it’s always delicious.

So, today, Dawn and I attended a day course in forensic archaeology, ostensibly about Egyptian archaeology. I think I’ve been spoilt by university. The debates, the cut and thrust of opinion, agreeing and disagreeing with the lecturer. This wasn’t like that. Our lecturer (and I use the term loosely) was an ex-teacher of primary school children. And you could tell.

Her experience was excellent. Her slides were of actual Egyptian burials and her anecdotes were about digs in Egypt. All very interesting. The group of attendees was varied but generally not particularly scholarly. I’m sure they all had a lot more from the day than I did and, to be completely honest, I would have been just as happy had I not attended. I was tempted to not go back after lunch but Dawn was getting a lot more from it so I put up with the second half. Actually I struggled to stay awake because of the windows.

When we first arrived, I was amazed at how airy and cool the room was. Perfect for a lecture, I thought. Big windows around the ceiling were wide open and a lovely breeze ensured that the air was fresh. A good chance to stay awake, I thought. About five minutes into the talk and a fussy woman in front of us started coughing. The lecturer, full of motherly concern, asked the woman if she’d like some water.

This wasn’t the only interruption. The first hour was dotted with silly little technical problems which involved changing overhead projectors, shuffling the skeleton around and wrestling with a portable white screen. Had it not been a serious lecture, it would have been hilarious. Actually, it was hilarious without meaning to be.

The thing about this day course was that last time it ran it was oversubscribed and proved very popular. I’m not really sure why. But, anyway, the organisers decided it was so popular they would run it again. And that’s the one we were on.

Anyway, the coughing woman replied to the offer of water with the comment that it was because the windows were open. There was then a mad rush to shut them all. This more or less guaranteed I’d be asleep in the afternoon. Clearly the woman was allergic to air. I purposely had a minor coughing fit about half an hour later, waiting to be asked if I was ok, so I could say I needed the windows open. Sadly, she didn’t care about my well being and I remain unasked.

Lunch was great. We wandered down to a pub that, while it served 6X, did not do food on a Saturday and ended up at the next corner in an Italian place which did an excellent Fiorentina pizza and Peroni. So far, this was the highlight of the day.

It was also Ladies Day at Ascot today. So arriving at Waterloo was like Friday night rush hour except everyone was dressed to the nines. It was ridiculously crowded and strange at the same time.

The afternoon at the lecture was pretty dire. We had a big quiz thing where we had to look at a very large collection of objects and write about them. At the end of the day we were asked what we thought of each of them. This sounds like it should have been quite interesting but it was bit ‘Show and Tell’ if you ask me.

When it finished, I was quite glad to get out. The tutting of the self confessed vegan sitting in front of us, activated whenever I whispered to Dawn (not often and only where relevant) helped. We went to the pub that served 6X and had a grand time drinking and chatting about the stupid lecture, the Weasels, Nicktor and trying to remember the name of the woman who measured the bones of the Korean War dead for her PHd. We didn’t and it was Trotter.

We sat on a lovely high padded backed bench which, like a bench in a church yard, had a dedication plaque on it to a chap who used to like to drink in the pub. A lovely spot. After a while we realised it was getting pretty late so we wandered to the bus stop and left for Waterloo and home.

Though, somehow, we ended up sitting on a train for about half an hour, thinking it was leaving for Portsmouth Harbour in five minutes. It turned out to be going to Weymouth. Fortunately we found out before it left and switched trains.

To sum the day up, the company was delightful, the lecture was a bit dull. And here’s a photo of Dawn drinking a pint and a half of 6X.