Booked ahead a room at Fjaeland Fjordstue Hotell at the end of the Fjaelandfjord. Mirinda visited the Ballestrande Aquarium while I sat on the dock reading and admiring the fjord and watching the fishing boats come and go. We then caught the 12 o’clock ferry up the fjord. Easily the most beautiful ferry ride I’ve ever taken. One hour and 20 minutes of unequalled beauty. Although the weather quite grey and gloomy and even with a heavy mist soaking us as we stood outside, the fjords are still pretty amazing. We just stood and stared.

Fjaeland is an incredible little place at the end of the fjord looking up at a glacier. The town is full of antiquarian bookshops in all manner of languages. I bought a funny little Wodehouse-ish book called Lord Richard in the Pantry and Mirinda bought (surprise, surprise) an Agatha Christie but in French.

We wandered the town (all of 5 minutes) then sat back at the hotel reading. This place is heavenly. So quiet and restful. Our bedroom window looks straight at the other side of the fjord, over the water.

Fjaeland Fjordstue Hotell

We had dinner in the hotel (there isn’t really anywhere else) which was another load of traditional Norwegian meatballs but nicer than the ones we had in Flam. We had no TV (there is a communal one downstairs) so in bed by 9.30 and asleep by 10. If nothing else our little stay in this little town will prove very restful!

Didn’t have a very good night’s sleep. There was a bunch of loud Norwegians outside our window discussing something that required lots of raised voices and shuffling of shoes. Finally they vanished and I drifted off to sleep but was woken by a weird dream about beetles. So I decided to stop trying to buck the fates and went to breakfast.

And what a breakfast! They had just about anything you could imagine. I reckon you could have asked for Roast Lamb and they’d have pointed to it. Just incredible. And very yummy. As usual I woke Mirinda ten minutes before breakfast finishes and had another one with her.

We went to the TIC and booked accommodation at our next stop, Ballestrade then went for a walk to see the church. Easier said than done. We must have walked 300 miles but never found it. We passed it in the train coming down and we walked in a straight line but church there was none. Saw lots of lovely buildings and majestic cliffs, split by waterfalls and this great sign:

Watch out for the humps

It actually means watch out for the humps (which is another joke right there) or something less interesting. However, just to prove what a total juvenile and male I am, there it is!

Back at the docks, we went into the predominantly Norwegian language train museum, to wile away a few hours. It was probably interesting but didn’t understand much of it…

At 3.30 we boarded the ferry for Ballenstrande. Up one Fjord and into another. The first glimpses of Ballestrande were not that great but only because it is dwarfed by some pretty magnificent scenery. We docked and were met by the guy who runs the hotel (I called it the Mintie Pension because I can’t remember the real name) who ran us up the hill. Ballestrande is situated on a flat bit of the fjord but even so it’s steep!

On the way to our room it was apparent that this was no palace. I was concerned that it would be very much like Voss. Then we walked into the room. We had a fjord-side room and the view was just indescribable. Magnificent. Unbelievable. We faced right up the fjord with snow topped cliffs either side. We had a little balcony and sat on it for a bit just stunned. I recommend anyone coming to Norway to come and stay at the Mintie Pension just for the view! It will blow you away!

We walked around Ballestrande most of the evening then dinner at the pension. Saw a statue of a Viking relation of Mirinda’s. He’s sitting atop a mount. Off to Fjaerland tomorrow.

Left the Youth Hostel after a breakfast of stale bread and egg. It was a delightful departure.

Got back to Voss station and joined the hordes of very old Americans on the platforms waiting for the train to Myrdal. Now, you have to realise that we know nothing about what’s going on here. We are just going to a place called Flam and we know we get to go down a pretty spectacular railway but how this all happens we have no idea.

So a train pulls in and it’s packed to the gunnels (if a train has gunnels which I’m sure it doesn’t, unless it’s amphibious) with people. It’s gross. There’s no way we are going to enjoy the view from this awful train. Mirinda is freaking out, thinking it’s an awful way to run a tourist industry. Norway, which up until yesterday was gaining points hand over fist, is now rapidly getting into the red. The train is a Norwegian equivalent of the old red rattlers we had from Penrith to Sydney, except it was blue.

Finally we get to Myrdal and guess what? On the opposite platform is a gorgeous train with massive windows for viewing and the majority of passengers on the train are actually getting off here. We clamber aboard the Flam express and have marvellous seats with a window all to ourselves. Mirinda immediately calms down and the points start to once more gather on the plus side.

Well, is the Flam railway memorable? Is it incredible? Is it amazing? Is it amazingly amazing? All of these and so much more. Highly recommended. In fact if anyone goes to Norway and misses the Flam railway they deserve to have their passports taken away and eaten.

A few intriguing facts: The railway is 20 kilometres long from Flam to Myrdal and has 20 tunnels which makes up 28% of the total length. It took almost 20 years to build and was budgeted to cost 20 million kroner (I have no idea what the significance of the number 20 is as the leaflet stresses it but then goes nowhere with it!). Nearly 80% of the 20 kilometres has a gradient of 55% and the curve radius goes right down to 130 metres (I have NO idea what that means but it sounds good). All of the tunnels were excavated by hand except for 2 where a machine was used. The engine has 5 braking systems because of the gradient but has never had an accident.

Two really amazing things about the Flam railway:

1. There is an incredible tunnel called the turnaround tunnel (officially Vatnehalsen Tunnel). When you enter it there is a viewing ‘shelf’ where you look out of the lefthand window of the train and see the railway on the opposite side of the mountain. The train stops here for a bit. Then the train moves forward for a few minutes, seemingly in a straight line. Then another ‘shelf’ appears on the RIGHT hand side and the view is exactly the same except from a slightly lower level. The train had turned through 180 degrees and it was impossible to notice. Truly amazing.
2. Halfway down, the train stops at a waterfall which is crashes down the mountain and underneath (and all over) a viewing platform. This is pretty spectacular as you’re almost inside the fall – everyone gets out of the train – but then music starts and this strange woman starts to wander among the rocks, high up, singing away in a strange eerie fashion. We had been warned by the announcer on the train that the mountains are full of evil sprites who entice the men-folk to their deaths among the rocks and crags. It was tough but I managed to hold securely onto the rail and safely returned to the train unharmed.

So we arrive in Flam. This is a souvenir shop on a dock. There is a huge ferry docked and millions of people milling. Mirinda goes to the TIC to see about somewhere to spend the night. I keep the bags company and watch the mad tourists who insist on getting their photos taken next to a moth eaten and frankly miserable fake stuffed reindeer which is standing outside one of the shops. Weird people. As always, I’m on the look out (or should that be hear out?) for quotable quotes. I overheard an American man say to his wife “There’s ALWAYS somewhere to spend your money.” When she seemed to be a bit concerned about what would be at Flam once they got there. Naturally this became the catch-phrase for most of the trip. And it’s awfully true. There ALWAYS is!

Mirinda comes back empty handed so I go and book the most expensive (and only) hotel in Flam, the Fretheim. We drag the bags over there.

What a contrast to the previous night! A lovely pine hotel, all new and shiny. Naturally it cost a million times as much but at least it had a telly. Left the hotel to check out the sites of Flam. Although this didn’t take long (about ten minutes) it was brilliantly spectacular. It’s at the end of a fjord (a real one, not like the pissy Oslofjord) called Naeroyfjord, and it just takes your breath away. We bought some bread and fillings at the supermarket and sat by the water eating lunch.

At 3pm we boarded the ferry to Gudvangen. This was a two hour cruise along the fjord, between towering mountains and lonely houses atop inaccessible peaks. There are no words to describe how brilliant it is. Photos do not do it justice but here’s a bad scan of a postcard showing a ferry almost at Gudvangen. Our ferry was a tad smaller than this one.

Ferry to Gudvangen - postcard

It looked just like this only better.

Gudvangen is only slightly bigger than Flam and, I think, exists for the ferries. We walked to the main road and waited for a bus to take us back to Flam via a series of long tunnels (one was 11k). Popped into our comfortable room, just to make sure it was still there, then went to dinner in an ex-train carriage. This is one of two restaurants in Flam (not including the hotel) and looked the cheaper and more interesting as they had traditional Norwegian food. This should be amended to traditional British food. It was ok (and nicely cheap) but really nothing special and basically a bit boring. Mine even had a dollop of mushy peas which I left for the cat.

Afterwards we walked around the dock with post-dinner ice-creams. It was so lovely. Then back to the hotel to coffee then more US sitcoms and finally sleep.

Woke up early, had breakfast and then were ready an hour early because I’m an idiot who has forgotten how to tell the time properly. We spent the extra hour wandering the halls of Oslocity. Eventually boarded the train to Voss.

The trip should have taken 6 hours but didn’t take into account the tree that would fall across the track and run into a train coming the other way, blocking the track for an hour plus the hour to hook up the diesel engine to get us past the bit of track where the electric wires had vanished and finally another hour to unhook the diesel engine. This made us 3 hours late. We stopped at a lovely little place (I can’t remember the name and I didn’t write it down) that was basically just a station. Here’s a picture of us stranded at the platform.

Stranded in the middle of nowhere

Note that when I say ‘platform’ I actually meant ground. Also note that although I’m taking a picture of an American taking a picture of a stranded train, at least mine has him in it. I’m assuming his is just of the train window.

A lot of Americans were really worried about missing the ferry from Bergen (this is where the train terminates) and…get this…they said they’d hold the ferry for 3 hours so they didn’t miss it! How incredible is that?

Anyway, the trip after this was very picturesque in a craggy, desolate kind of way, until we reached Voss. We had booked into the Youth Hostel from the train (because we were late, the train guards let everyone make a phone call) so, although we arrived at 7:30pm, we had somewhere to trundle along to. And trundle we did. Along a main road that skirted a beautiful lake. The hostel looked like a large wooden cabin, and one whole side faced the water. It looked delightful. Then we went to our room. Bunk beds and real basic accommodation. Economical though, the bathroom was so small that if you took a shower the entire room, including the toilet, got a good wash at the same time. Some smart thinking there. We didn’t hang around the room for long and suffice it to say, there was no TV for me to fiddle with.

So we walked back into Voss to look for some food. Great choice! Not! Ghastly place. Not us at all. Mind you, not sure who it would suit. It seems the lake is the only reason for its existence as apparently they have a lot of water sports there (skiing, paragliding, generally getting wet, etc). The lake looked lovely but forget the rest. We ate an extremely overpriced dinner at a pleasant enough café then retired to our lakeside retreat. Oh well, we had no idea what Voss would be like but it seems to be a little more onomatopoeic than we thought and not one to recommend!

Woke up at my usual 7:30 and went for a lonely breakfast. I hate the way European accommodation does not include tea and coffee making facilities. This is something the Brits are doing right, I can tell you. Anyone who knows me can only wonder what it’s like to encounter me in a hotel corridor BEFORE I’ve had my morning coffee. But “…that which canna be cured maun be endured…” so I get up early and drag myself to the breakfast room and drink three smidgy cups (why have they never heard of mugs???) of coffee before being ready to acknowledge the existence of anything else vaguely sharing the planet with me.

Woke Mirinda at 9:15 (as per orders) and we head down for breakfast number 2 or rather Mirinda’s breakfast and my fifth coffee of the morning. Then it was time for our Oslo day.

Set off towards the docks via Karl Johan’s Gate again. Glorious day – all blue skies and sun. We were going to Bygdoy and had to wait for the ferry so while we waited, checked out the gigantic statues in front of the Rat House – council building, that is. Amazing stuff. They have a thing for enormous, naked women, it would seem. Quite daunting and one wonders about the models.

The ferry to Bygdoy peninsular was pretty unspectacular. Oslo is on a fjord but it just looks like a harbour. We got off at Dronningen and then walked up the hill to the Viking Museum along with 430 others, mostly Americans. It was a lovely, though crowded, walk.

The museum was excellent. Massive Viking ships that had originally been buried as sort of seafaring coffins have been dug up and put on display. You really have to see them to realise how truly big they are but here’s a picture of one.

Viking long boat

It’s a bit dark but the two blobs by the window are Americans so you can sort of judge the scale. They have built the museum with little viewing platforms in the corners – this is where the shot is from. The museum was built to house the ships so it’s not much bigger than them.

This is a picture of what is known as the Oseberg ship and was excavated in 1904. It had originally been hauled ashore and then buried in a trench. It held the bodies of two women, one of them between 20 and 30 years old and the other about 50. There is no way of knowing who they were but experts think it may be the bodies of Queen Asa and her maidservant, however, no-one even knows which one is which let alone who they are!

A lot of well preserved artefacts were found on this and the other ships (there’s 3 all together in this museum) and they are all on display. There’s the most amazing little wagon with very intricate wood carving and a piece of material that looks the spitting image of plaid. This latter compelled a matronly American woman to exclaim “Plaid! I AM impressed.” Before she joined the rest of her party rushing to leave, as they’d completed their 5 minute tour of the place.

Having spent as much time as it takes to see everything (not that long actually) we then left to walk back to the docks for some lovely tortillas on the dock side (oddly enough there were no refreshments of any kind at the museum). Mirinda made a new friend at the café whose customer service skills were a bit on the sad side but who turned out to be the owner. He wasn’t very happy because a customer asked him if he could call him a taxi (the customer didn’t speak Norwegian) and he’d wait for it outside. The café owner begrudgingly did as he asked but when the taxi arrived the guy had vanished. So, no-one was impressed and we have no idea what happened to the customer.

After lunch we once more climbed the hill to the Folk Museum. We thought this was going to be like the one we saw in Innsbruck which, while lovely, was not very big. Boy, were we wrong! The Norsk Folkmuseum is an open air museum full of buildings as well as a massive exhibition hall. I don’t know exactly how big it is but we’re talking a lot of acres. No way you could see the whole thing in a day, let alone half.

We looked into the school house and the stave church when the heavens opened and the rain bucketed down. Apparently this is pretty normal for southern Norway – perfect one moment, soaking the next – and eventually it stopped and we looked at lots more buildings. There is also a display of the Sami people – they that chase the reindeer up to Lapland – who are considered the native people of Norway. Very colourful.

Eventually we made our tired, footsore way back to the dock and boarded the ferry for the return to Oslo. Mirinda not feeling too good so, instead of walking back to the hotel, we adventurously took a tram. You can ride on a tram for an hour on one ticket so we stayed to the end of the line then came back – good way to see a lot of Oslo and rest your feet! Nice trams too. Quite cheap, only 20 kroner each (about £1.50 = about A$3). Eventually got back to the hotel where I was informed I had to go to the station and book the train tickets for the rest of our trip.

Armed with my total lack of Norwegian language skills, I set off. I chatted to a very nice lady who nodded, smiling and assured me it was all done correctly and we were booked to go to all these places I knew nothing about as Mirinda had done all the planning. My fingers were firmly crossed for the rest of the trip. Anyway, we leave for Voss tomorrow morning – it’s 6 hours on the train.

I managed a quick visit to Oslocity before returning to the hotel for some coffee and tea and we dined on hamburger and chips from the Indian café next door to the hotel. It was actually very nice and had a salad with it.

Woke up very early. Tried calling a taxi but in typical UK style, couldn’t get one for an hour. Should have ordered one in February then maybe…but maybe not. Ended up parking Neville at Aldershot station figuring that if anyone stole him, we’d get more from the insurance than he was worth anyway. Felt a bit slack doing it though…but figured he was only a car and should just get over it.

We built in loads of buffers but everything in the world conspired against us: The train was early, we consequently got the earlier Heathrow coach and ended up at the airport a day earlier than necessary. Mind you, the plane was actually held up because of a storm, so a good job we raced.

Finally got to Oslo at 4:45pm. A very modern airport, all sort of Temple to Air Travel. Glass and steel, wood and height. All makes it appear much bigger than it could possibly be and very empty.

Took the express train into town. Now, the Norwegians immediately impressed us with this train. Absolutely gorgeous. All sort of pine and burgundy padding. Big telly in the centre of each carriage, lots of room for luggage without inconveniencing anyone. And the guard actually tells people to take their feet off the seats! No way anyone from Britain could get a job on Oslo-Rail.

Went to the TIC at Oslo-S (that’s Tourist Information Centre at Oslo Central Station) and found accommodation at a reasonable-ish rate at the Terminus Hotel. Now it didn’t sound too good and we were a little concerned about the size of the rats but it turned out to be lovely and very close to the station. Also it was directly opposite a massive shopping centre called Oslocity, except in the signs the letters ‘o’ & ‘c’ in the middle were transposed over each other so really read Osloity or Oslcity depending on how you view these things.

After we dumped our gear and had a flick around the tv channels (I don’t know about anyone else, but I ALWAYS do this, not from any desire to actually sit and watch the telly but just out of curiosity, you understand) we set off to check out our destination.

We strolled down Franz Josef Gate. This is pedestrianised up half it’s length and was abuzz with life. In Norway most roads are called Gates, by the way, it isn’t just a big Gate. Anyway, it’s a lovely walk all the way to the Palace at the end.

From here it’s just a hop and a skip to the docks and the waterfront. We had a delicious dinner at the second restaurant we chose – The first one refused to allow us entry because Mirinda was wearing trainers – and paid a fortune for something actually worth the money. Had cardamom ice-cream, a taste I will not forget for a long, long, long, long…well, basically forever. The chef is a genius and should be canonised.

We finished, mopped up our chins and walked back to the hotel, pretty stuffed but well pleased.

Back in our room we discovered that in Norway, foreign TV is broadcast in the original language and they put Norwegian sub-titles on. Great for us since most TV is American sit-coms and movies. Mind you, watching Ally McBeal and Sex in the City is nowhere near as much fun as it was in Austria or Italy. Still it’s a lot easier to get the jokes.