BOB

The gardeners came today. Being the time of year it is, they tend to do more maintenance than anything else. Well, apart from the grass that Gardener Dave is determined to sort out.

Something Dave did last time was to remove the Butt Seed tomato plant which had died after the first big frost. As well as removing the plant he also picked up a whole bowl full of green tomatoes which he gave me.

Keep them somewhere dark and warm and they’ll all be red in a fortnight,” he insisted.

I took the bowl and did as he asked, shaking my head.

This morning I retrieved the bowl for him to see what had happened. True, a few of them had turned red but the overall difference in the tomatoes was the fact that most of them had now gone mouldy. They were furry with mould. They were inedible.

Gardener Dave humphed and blamed Andy, saying he’d lied to him. I told Dave he didn’t tell me it was someone else’s idea. He admitted that had it worked he still wouldn’t have told me. Cheeky bugger.

So Dave and Paul worked away with Mirinda occasionally putting in an appearance between phone calls, in order to make sure they were doing things in a way she finds acceptable.

I, on the other hand, sat at the dining table with my foot up. The swelling had gone down a bit but the pain is still there when I walk. I try not to walk. I managed to get some Dead Hero work completed.

I also came across something that our former Health Minister now Foreign Secretary is quoted to have said. He claimed a majority of the electorate was now BoB. This, he explained stood for Bored of Brexit. If this is the case then I claim that the electorate is not just ignorant of how they are being manipulated they are also grammatically incorrect.

I know how fond we are of acronyms but, really, they should actually work. Like JAM, quoted by our PM. It stands for Just About Managing and, I reckon, is quite odd because if you were Just About Managing I’m fairly sure that jam wouldn’t be on the menu too often.

Or NIMBY which stands for Not In My Back Yard, referring to people who really want something as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them. This delightful acronym has entered the lexicon and now we have Nimbyism as well. In the future the word, not the acronym will be remembered.

That is as it should be. An acronym should become a standalone but, in order to do that, it should be pronounceable otherwise there’s little point…unless you want to use the letters (like IBM for instance or GBH).

But, back to Jeremy Hunt’s BoB which stands for Bored of Brexit. You can’t be bored of Brexit. You CAN be bored WITH Brexit. Perhaps Mr Hunt didn’t learn grammar when he went to school or maybe he just prefers appearing stupid. Or, and this is always going to be more likely, maybe it’s the whole populist world we now live in.

The world seems to have gone off experts, people who actually know stuff, preferring ignorance. I’m sure they will still drive cars and visit hospitals though. Well, until there are no longer any experts and we don’t know how to make or use those things. Sounds a bit like Planet of the Apes to me – the end result of humanity’s stupidity.

So, while we do still have a few BoBs, I refuse to bow down to Acronym Desperation and ask which Bob they mean. If they’re talking about BWBs then, yes, I understand and it’s clearly why the government does things in such a way as to bore the majority so they are then told to get on with destroying our lives. Which they happily do without any Bob, Tom or Harry getting stroppy with them.

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